Up to Speed yet...??

I think I gave ya'll enough background to at least get where I'm coming from .. or try to. There is obviously a lot I've left out of my past --- if something's important, I'll bring it up.
Alright, so I'm currently living back in with my 'rents. I had to move back here due to my stupidity with money. It's really cheap rent here. That's the ONLY reason why I'm here. I miss my freedom of living on my own. I lived on my own in Ellsworth for a year. I loved it, aside from the apartment was bug AND bat infested. Three million thumbs down. Then I moved in with my best friend in an apartment in Bangor. Oh YA - forgot to mention my best friend. 3 houses down the road from my house is where she grew up. We have known each other since we were about 3 years old. We decided to move in together.. BIG mistake. I hated her all while living w/her. I just wanted to her to back off me. It's like we're sisters. So living together is not the best arrangement for us. We stuck it out for a year .. and happily moved out. We're still tight though. I love her like a sister. She helps me through a lot.
Camp. In Lee, Maine. Hickville. Where I've spent every summer of my life. Where I lost my virginity and drank my 1st beer. Had my 1st love and lost who I was. I hung out there every summer through school. Just chillin'. I started hanging out with the other kids that lived up there year 'round. But somehow they're all like 2 years behind me. I graduated .. they're still in school. In stead of moving on -- I kept going up there. It started from just in the summertime, to every other weekend, to every weekend all year round, to every day. I fell in love with someone up there who is 3 years younger than me. Dumbass. I was driving from Lee to my work in Ellsworth, back to Lee every day ... that's like 200 miles a day. I got shit on bad from this "kid" that I would do anything for. Also -- my cousin, who lived in Lee, and I were connected at the hip. We had a falling out a year or so ago -- over this guy. But anyways -- Lee became an addiction. I had to go up there. I felt like I was "in". I was cool. See through high school I was fat, no, obese - so I wasn't hot or wanted by anyone. I lost my virginity at 19. Pathetic, I know. It felt so good to be part of something. But I now realize that nothing in Lee will ever change. It's always the same. Nobody has motivation. No one really cares. Through this addiction, as with most any addiction, I lost who I really was. I was being who they wanted me to be. Fuck that. I can't be like that. Something happened -- I started dating people from around here. People older than me!!! Imagine that shit. I don't necessarily regret anything about Lee -- but wish I had caught on sooner. I started going to bars. I saw that people liked me, for who I am. And I realized I'm pretty damn good lookin'.
That's all for now folks. I'm out.