Co Pays suck.

After sleeping away practically 6 days -- I decided I was sick. I woke up one morning with one eye suuuuper red and constantly dripping. I've had zero energy, sore throat w/white patches all up on it, I'm all stuffed up, I cough until my throat is raw AND basically am a useless piece of shit. SO I go to my Dr.'s today - and she tells me that I've got strep throat, conjunctivitus, and a sinus infection. Yay. Now I have meds to take and I will get BETTER!!! Yay. I can't wait. I haven't been able to go to the gym since last Monday, a whole week ago. Damn. Hopefully I'll be able to go tomorrow night. I have a new buddy I go to the gym with now. My old buddy now goes to Curves. Bitch. My new buddy is a guy - which kicks ass 'cause I compete with him now. Try to prove myself to him, I like it. I'm not dating him, he's a really good friend of mine is all.

During my week in bed, I watched some TV. I hate being a chick. I feel like I have to compete with ALL chicks. I always find myself saying "I wish I could have her stomach" or "I wish my tits were that perky". It sucks. I just wonder if I'm ever going to be happy with myself. You know those girls that EVERYONE looks at, including other women, who's just perfect. Makes everyone's head turn. I mean I can make heads turn, but I mean like in a 2 piece bikini walking across the beach perfect. I envy that. I've thought countless times about surgery. I'm way too much of a wuss for that. Someone's always going to be prettier than me or have a better body than me. I don't like that. I want to be perfect. I want to be a 10. Not just in my eyes, or my man's eyes, but in EVERYone's eyes. Magazine perfect. Is this normal? Do all 22 year old females want this??

My buddy at work that I talked about left on Wednesday. I already miss him tons. We were suppose to fuck before departing the company, but that never happened. We were really, really bad at work just wicked sexual. I think about him a lot, in fact even fantasize about him doing the things he told me he was going to do to me. Wednesday the last thing he said to me was, "Always remember, you've got KILLER legs"! "Ya, and I 'd like to wrap them around YOU", I said almost at a whisper. He flashed that smile of his, "I'd like that too" and the door shut behind him. A tear fell down my cheek. Sure, I'll see him plenty, but the sexual excitement we had won't be there. I keep thinking that maybe we'll escape into our fantasy someday, then I snap out of it AND I know it'll never happen. Maybe it's better that way??