Emotion

I'm realizing now that I'm in a slight depression. I cry all the time for "no reason". I miss my only true friend. The guy I could say ANYTHING to. The guy that made me smile no matter how pissed I was. The guy who rocked my world. I see him now only like once a week for like 5 minutes a time. (For those of you that follow my pathetic life, he's one of the guys I worked with - who left). I'm driving along I hear a song that reminds me of him. I start crying. I have so much inside of me that wants to come out. But I have no one to talk to. I can't trust my so called "best friend" as far as I could throw her. And that's all I have. I just want to tell him little things, like how horny I am or how bad I hate where I'm living. I want to ask him how a certain outfit looks on me. Or listen to him bitch about someone in his life. He could go on forever about a subject if you let him. He helped me through so much. I have a huge void. I don't even feel like going out. I don't feel like myself. I opened up to him, NOW I'm paying the price. This is why I don't open up to everyone. I let my guard down -- see what happened. Although, if I could turn back time I wouldn't change a damn thing. I had a lot of fun with him. It's like I'm missing part of me. The happy part. The confident part. He helped me see the good in things. The good in ME. He was a Godsend. He broke my heart though. It hurts - I've never felt anything like it. I feel so alone. I AM alone. On a better note; I hope everyone got what they wanted for Christmas. I know what I want, but he wasn't under my tree this morning. I hope everyone is with family or loved ones. I would also like to make sure everyone is praying for the people fighting this useless war for fuckhead Bush. I've had Christmas without my dad because of war -- it's cold. So TONS of love this season & every season to the people who have loved ones at battle.