Co Pays suck.

After sleeping away practically 6 days -- I decided I was sick. I woke up one morning with one eye suuuuper red and constantly dripping. I've had zero energy, sore throat w/white patches all up on it, I'm all stuffed up, I cough until my throat is raw AND basically am a useless piece of shit. SO I go to my Dr.'s today - and she tells me that I've got strep throat, conjunctivitus, and a sinus infection. Yay. Now I have meds to take and I will get BETTER!!! Yay. I can't wait. I haven't been able to go to the gym since last Monday, a whole week ago. Damn. Hopefully I'll be able to go tomorrow night. I have a new buddy I go to the gym with now. My old buddy now goes to Curves. Bitch. My new buddy is a guy - which kicks ass 'cause I compete with him now. Try to prove myself to him, I like it. I'm not dating him, he's a really good friend of mine is all.

During my week in bed, I watched some TV. I hate being a chick. I feel like I have to compete with ALL chicks. I always find myself saying "I wish I could have her stomach" or "I wish my tits were that perky". It sucks. I just wonder if I'm ever going to be happy with myself. You know those girls that EVERYONE looks at, including other women, who's just perfect. Makes everyone's head turn. I mean I can make heads turn, but I mean like in a 2 piece bikini walking across the beach perfect. I envy that. I've thought countless times about surgery. I'm way too much of a wuss for that. Someone's always going to be prettier than me or have a better body than me. I don't like that. I want to be perfect. I want to be a 10. Not just in my eyes, or my man's eyes, but in EVERYone's eyes. Magazine perfect. Is this normal? Do all 22 year old females want this??

My buddy at work that I talked about left on Wednesday. I already miss him tons. We were suppose to fuck before departing the company, but that never happened. We were really, really bad at work just wicked sexual. I think about him a lot, in fact even fantasize about him doing the things he told me he was going to do to me. Wednesday the last thing he said to me was, "Always remember, you've got KILLER legs"! "Ya, and I 'd like to wrap them around YOU", I said almost at a whisper. He flashed that smile of his, "I'd like that too" and the door shut behind him. A tear fell down my cheek. Sure, I'll see him plenty, but the sexual excitement we had won't be there. I keep thinking that maybe we'll escape into our fantasy someday, then I snap out of it AND I know it'll never happen. Maybe it's better that way??

Pig out.

Happy Thanksgiving to all! Hope everyone can spend this holiday along with everyday with people that they love, and eat every goddamn thing in sight.

Thank you for calling .. Wait where am I???

I got a call on Tuesday the 16th from one of the guys I work with, who I'm the closest with, he said he had 2 things he wanted to tell me. He said he had to tell me in private and that I needed to call him back when I was alone. So obviously, due to zero patience, I called him back within 10 minutes. 1st thing was that where is girlfriend works there is a job opening that he thought I'd be perfect for. He told me what they pay, the benefits, and all the pros & cons to the position. 2nd thing was that he was going to call in sick tomorrow to try out a new job he's interested in. He then proceeds to tell me about his possible new job -- and this job totally kicks ass. Ok - well I hung up with him. And it all hit me. I'm not going to be able to see him every weekday, 8 hours a day. I'm not going to be able to tell him what's on my mind. Talk about a guy that I'm seeing that's bugging me and ask him what I should do. I'm losing a friend. I have worked with him for 3 years, and I've just become so close to him. So this is going through my head, along with a job offer I can't refuse -- meaning I will have to say goodbye to not only 1 of the guys, but ALL of them. Blah. I mean I've worked for this company since I was 18. Since I was in high school. These guys have been there for me. They watched me lose all my weight, and "blossom" into what I am today. So I get a migraine. I want to put a bullet between my eyes, I think I would've if I had had a gun. The day passed. The next day I told our boss that he called in sick. He was such an ass about it. At that very moment I made up my mind, I'm going to try and get that job. Thursday I call the guy's girlfriend and told her that I would like to fill the position at hand. Friday I met with the owner of the company. He loves me. I'm in. I start Jan. 5. As for my buddy -- he's going with his new job as well. He starts Monday the 29th. Our boss still doesn't know he's leaving. That'll be a fun day. Oh wait, I have Monday off. Bummer.

Amazing Grace

This week has been pretty tough. I brought my dog home on Monday! Which kicked ass. Except all week I had to sleep beside him on the friggin' cement floor! Anything for my puppy though. Anyways I took him back to the vet's on Saturday AM, and the Dr. took out the stitches & staples. He's almost in the clear. Almost. Moving along. On Friday night around 8pm, my 96 year old Great-Grandmother died. So this weekend I've been trying to assist my mother in the funeral, obituary, and burial service. I did take time to go out with some good friends of mine on Saturday night. We went bowling and played some pool, it was tons of fun. Then we, of course, went to the "Yard" and danced 'til 1ish. Today I went and helped a friend paint the inside of an apartment that needs to get rented out. I got paid to do it!!!! Very nice. That's where I was all day. It was something different to do -- so it was pretty fun. Tonight I made peanut butter fudge. I should use it to pick up men .. cause I make killer fudge. I've also been downloading songs for the funeral service, including Amazing Grace. These songs kill me. I'm out. Peace.